Tomorrow there will be elections over lots of the United States. Here’s a whole lotta political things I wanna cover. Some I may have handled in earlier blogs, but they’re worth repeating … or I don’t remember. Hard to say. Moving on …

- I only know one thing about Stewart and Colbert’s rally (to “restore sanity” or something about fear) … and that’s the signs were hilarious.

- I don’t vote. I won’t vote. I won’t even register to vote. I have many reasons, some of which I toss out as quotes on a semi-regular basis. “Whether you vote for the lesser of two evils you vote for evil/politics and God are not equal,” — KRS-ONE (who may have flipped out in the last few years with support for Fiddy and Lil Wayne, but his body of work stands). “Conditions in the ‘hood never changed with the president,” — Talib Kweli. In the words of Dr. Ron Daniels, my goal is to become “ungovernable.”

Despite considering myself a prisoner of war (which is part of why I won’t move to, say, Togo or Panama), I don’t want to have any part of this government’s operations. Its law enforcement is an insult, its warmongering politics are a mark of shame on the proud and brave men and women who serve, its public services are underfunded and ill-conceived (San Vicente, for anybody who’s been to LA, is proof positive, or even Houston’s two-ring freeway system, like urban planning with a shotgun), its economic realities would make Charles Dickens shudder in horror, only overshadowed by the fact that (with the help of their imperial cronies) this country’s apparatus has defecated on virtually every other corner of the world and made it hard (for me at least) to make a living there. I’d love to be using my skills and knowledge to help build Liberia or Zimbabwe or Rwanda, but the shadow of imperialism has left those places so besmirched that it’ll take centuries more to work that horror out of the collective consciousnesses of those countries. Voting — local elections, anything — is a tacit approval of the government and robber barons that still profit rapaciously from that bloodshed.

Also, I don’t wanna be called for jury duty. Screw that noise.

- Not that I ever tell anybody else they shouldn’t vote. That’s not my bag. If they like it, hey, cool beans. I just wanna be left out of it. If my kids follow my example, fine and dandy. If they make decisions differently, well, that’s fine too. So go out and do whatever it is you’d prefer! You can call me “V,” as I say, “Do as thou wilt is the whole of the law.”

Yeah ... yeah ...

- To quote Homer Simpson, “Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.” I follow politics avidly, in the same way I followed Caprica (may it rest in peace, ill executed as it was) or the way I follow Chuck. It’s a story, a TV show, a bit of pop entertainment. Players come, players go. Which brings me to another fun point I used to say. There’s a kind of gentlemen’s agreement to pretend that South Africa didn’t get nuclear weapons from Israel during the dirty apartheid days. That agreement also pretends that they’re not still there. I often ask people willing to ignore that agreement, “When Nelson Mandela was president, do you think he could have launched those missiles? Do you think Obama can right now? They’re not presidents. They’re pitchmen, like Joe Isuzu. Looks good on TV, but actual limitations are grandiose.”

- The cloning facilities where they took Sarah Palin to make Carla Fiorino and Meg Whitman are not the most sanitary of facilities. The eccentricities in the output is proof positive of that.

Tabu out.

Playing (Music): “Old Fashioned” by Cee-Lo Green

Every week I do a column full of comic book reviews as I’ve done since March 2003 and currently published at Comic Book Resources. Then, after the reviews post, I try to come over to my blog and expand on the thoughts and ideas listed there. Sometimes it’s profound, sometimes it’s gibberish, but it’s always about comics … let’s see what we get this week!

What? This week’s reviews …

ONLY WANTING HIS LOVER’S ICY EMBRACE: Nobody is happier than me to see Thanos get his and come up one more time. Likewise, after knowing their power, it’ was amazing to see the Cosmic Avengers (or whatever) really show up for the job. Kallark and Norrin, deadpan badasses? I could see a lot more of that, shock and freakin’ awe. Can we loan them out to deus ex machina the Guardians of the Galaxy? It was also nice to see Wendell and Rich Rider being comfortable enough in their Lamar Odom-esque roles, clogging the lanes and pitching in. That’s good stuff.

The Cancerverse’s leader (I won’t spoil it if you don’t know) got me with the “one last thing,” Steve Jobsing the scene. I loved it. Lots went well here, and Thanos barely had to do any of it. That’s good comics.

FIND YOUR WAY: Tim Drake has been flirting with getting it together for a long time, but this Red Robin role may be it for him. A freelance role like a meaner, smarter Nightwing (which could be his next costume if we’re not careful, but it seems too happy-go-lucky for him). The problem with the revolving door of Robins is what to do with them once the cape doesn’t fit. Honestly, with his barely restrained evil, Damian is my favorite because he is such a wild card. However, Tim Drake Wayne is better than him in many ways — smarter, better trained (due to more time in the game), excellent networking skills … once he gives up the need to be “normal” he’ll really have time to blossom, and if he can maintain some of the character work done here (and Fabian Nicieza is shooting nothing but net … sorry, I was reading some Bill Simmons earlier), he could be one of the best all-around characters in superhero comics. That’d be quite a feat.

HAMMER DOWN: Thor’s tight lipped, determined forcefulness is really working and Kieron Gillen has nailed the voice of this character. Most revealing to me was showing the fear of the war god and the softer side of Hela. Mephisto could only have been better if Ray Wise were reciting his lines. This was, in my mind, a quintessential example of what a Thor comic should be.

FAIL TO THE CHIEF? I got an email from a reader who was kind enough to allow me to share it with you, so I can answer it for all to know. Here goes …

I don’t normally go so far as to write columnists directly (wish your CBR column had a comment section), but I am a fan of the current Doom Patrol run, so I feel compelled to challenge your stance on the “Super-Caulder” plot point in issue 14. Just calling it out as you did, basically misses the point of the issue, which actually did a great job of defining his character. It ups the stakes from previous issues, showing how creepy Niles is, and giving more reason for the main 3 to stick together.

Everyone on the team has now been “turned up to 11″ and seeing the chief go off the rails like he did in this issue is actually a really awesome payoff—not just for this series, but stretching back even to Morrison’s run.

The whole point of this DP has been to craft a thorough modern take on the team, and while I haven’t loved every minute of it, I think this issue and last have really clicked.

Essentially, I feel by stating your complaint the way you did is an intentional misrepresentation of the real “selling point” of this issue.

I love your column, even when I disagree with it, and thanks for the interesting and fun criticism.

First of all, unnamed reader, thank you so much for reading my work, and for writing in. I appreciate that a great deal.

Now, to your point: it’s funny that you mention how much of a jerk Dr. Niles Caulder is because that element, I believe, made the “super-Chief” part not work. All the way back to when the Titans had a Beast Boy (before he was on TV), there were three things you could count on: Ma Kent could bake a mean pie, nobody wanted Hawkman to molt on them and Dr. Niles Caulder was willing to do messed up things for his own reasons. It’s not a secret. From his Wikipedia entry: “In recent years, in keeping with the above retcons that he manipulated the original Doom Patrol’s transformations, it has been revealed that Caulder had also experimented on other characters in the world who would both benefit and destroy humanity. The most noted are a bitter group called the Brotherhood of Evil, a group of people who also live like ‘freaks’ led by the Brain.” He freaking created half the problems he had to solve … if he had a business card, it would read, “Dr. Niles Caulder: Genius, Jackass.”

Hm … do I need to update my business cards? I digress …

He did weird things to Garfield Logan. He did weird things to his wife Arani (even noted in Blackest Night). He did weird things to Cliff. His scientific curiosity and self-righteousness lead him more than any other elements of his character, and have for some time. For him to then become that powerful, well, there’s really no objective reason for him not to go whole hog and be a super villain (and with those powers combined with his intellect, one at the Justice League’s level) and have every cape and mask on the planet trying to put him down like a rabid dog. That doesn’t bode well for an already low-selling title that just basically needs to keep the band together.

Moreover, Cliff, Rita and old Bandages don’t have anywhere else to go, as written here. Larry Trainor hides behind jokes and flippancy to hide his disgust and horror at what he’s become. The older he gets, the more Cliff Robertson becomes distant from the rest of the world and enmeshed in the ridiculous lives of his team. Rita lost everything — her status as an Olympic hero, her Hollywood career and lifestyle. They live in an essentially rogue regime. They don’t have a lotta options.

Plus … splicing Kryptonian powers into himself? He’s not even in the “smartest man” running like Michael Holt or Lex Luthor, and he cracked that egg? That’s a little hard to believe, no matter what material is on hand. Even Superwoman had some technological help.

Honestly, I’m glad you liked the issue. I try never to pee in anybody else’s corn flakes if they’re really happy, and spirit knows the fact that I think Five Star is one of the best musical products of the 80s would be mocked by many. I felt that many elements did not work and did not pay off and were either contrived or disappointing. As with all things, your mileage may vary (and apparently does).

But I do appreciate the chance to discuss it with you, as we were both civil and made no attempts to come after each other personally. We have different opinions, and I felt you stated yours well. I hope I’ve returned the favor, and I am grateful to have learned yours.

Also: if you want my column to have a message board like, I dunno, half the other columns on the site, feel free to let management know, and I’ll be right along presently. Crap, I need to check that CBR email address …

ANYTHING ELSE? I really need to get doing some other things, so let’s see if anything else requires comment …

• I rather like Scorpius — he seems to share some of the narrative DNA of characters like Lex Luthor (Michael Rosenbaum version), Loki (Kieron Gillen version), Vril Dox (current version), Tao (Sleeper version, not that weird recent bit), Daken (post-Osborn) and other magnificent bastards.
• I think Kill Shakespeare is gonna make it happen next issue. I have a feeling. They have momentum, it’s like the Force is with them. I can’t wait.
• Spirit help me … I think Justice League: Generation Lost could be two or three issues from doing the same. I think they really needed that Russian. He’s gold, Jerry! He’s gold!
• My bet: this crappy angle they’re shoving into Shadowland with Ghost Rider leads to The Man Behind The Man Without Fear being revealed as something stupid and hackneyed like a chromatic “entity” (yeah, looking at your buddy there, Larfreeze).
• If somebody else — say, Warren Ellis, or Dwayne McDuffie — plotted for Bendis, New Avengers could be one of the best comics on the stands. It feels good, it just doesn’t do so well.
• The vampires thing in Ultimate Comics Avengers makes me sad in the deepest parts of my soul parts.

I’ve gotta get some sleep, kids. Play nice, I’ll be back in a few days.

Playing (Music): “Feeling Good” by Michael Buble

As I’ve mentioned before, Diamond Comics Distributors is a vile, heartless monopoly that’s likely squeezing the life out of the industry. According to the evidence I have on hand, when there’s a Monday holiday, they say “screw you, we’re gonna sleep off the hangover,” and ship comics a day later than normal, on Thursday.

This used to be a problem for me on the basis of money — I hosted a Thursday night karaoke show that bordered on being legendary (and it did help the bar win the title of “Best Bar in the South Bay” for 2009 from the Daily Breeze) and I simply could not go to the comics shop for three or so hours on a Thursday night, let alone write and do production for my Buy Pile comics review column (yeah, normally I place the images and what not too) and “rock the party and say turn your body out.” I hosted a show on Friday too, so I couldn’t even get to my favorite comics shop until Saturday.

Now, it’s a less stringent but equally challenging reason. As a father of two, my newborn needs care into the night and my six-year-old needs my presence at home. Saturday is an “off day” from my day gig at MIMCO (long story) and I can find the time to do some of the stuff during the weekend rush.

All that to say that The Buy Pile will not publish Thursday, but likely over the weekend or maybe even on Monday, thanks to Diamond. We all have lives to lead, and one thing leads to another, apologies to The Fixx.

To tide you over, here’s two comics related things I noted …

- I am enjoying Christos Gage’s work on Avengers Academy and have liked some of his work in the past, but he is blatantly wrong about something. He tweeted, “… if you illegally download a comic, especially a low or mid seller, you are voting for it to END.”

I think that’s crap. I don’t download comics — not due to any overwhelming ideological opposition to the practice, but because I don’t have time and haven’t researched how to do it — but I have a very different perspective on comic books, since I read a lot of them. A low or mid-selling comic book isn’t penetrating its core demographic — mainly white males between the ages of 24-39 who have disposable income. I’m an outlier there, in terms of ethnicity at least, but still. I come from the world of journalism, where many say, “it’s all good publicity as long as they spell your name right.” Gaining more mindshare in any way you can is not a bad thing.

Moreover, and I speak as a fan long before I perfected this as a method of reviewing comics, it’s no different from the practice some call Byrne-stealing (which is also fair, as I do it in Borders with novels or listen to songs in the iTunes store or at a Barnes & Nobles). It’s window shopping. If your income is based on people buying things sight unseen (*cough*shrink wrapped issues of Wizard*cough*), you’re likely in more trouble than you can handle. That’s more an issue of marketing and creative choices than of crime and punishment. Step your game up. Piracy has always existed and … hang on, actually that leads to my next point.

- When I read about Mark Waid’s speech and dust up, I wrote about it on my mobile exclusive blog and honestly, I agree. It’s about offering options, not complaints. Sure, there’s people “stealing” — how do you work around it? Totally on Waid’s side here.

That’s all for now. In any case, thanks for checking for me, and make sure you keep your eye on the linkroll for the column and its attendant commentary track.

Playing (Music): “Let It Whip” by the Dazz Band